ACT 1
Scene 3
...Sir Andrew Agueface.
Enter Sir Andrew.
Sir Toby Belch! How now, Sir Toby Belch?
...Sweet Sir Andrew!
to Maria
Bless you, fair shrew.
...Sir Andrew, accost!
What’s that?
...My niece’s chambermaid.
Good Mistress Accost, I desire better
acquaintance.
...is Mary, sir.
Good Mistress Mary Accost—
...her, assail her.
By my troth, I would not undertake her in
this company. Is that the meaning of “accost”?
...draw sword again.
An you part so, mistress, I would I might
never draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you
have fools in hand?
...by th’ hand.
Marry, but you shall have, and here’s my
hand.
He offers his hand.
MARIA, taking his hand
...let it drink.
Wherefore, sweetheart? What’s your
metaphor?
...It’s dry, sir.
Why, I think so. I am not such an ass but I
can keep my hand dry. But what’s your jest?
...dry jest, sir.
Are you full of them?
...so put down?
Never in your life, I think, unless you see
canary put me down. Methinks sometimes I have
no more wit than a Christian or an ordinary man
has. But I am a great eater of beef, and I believe that
does harm to my wit.
... No question.
An I thought that, I’d forswear it. I’ll ride
home tomorrow, Sir Toby.
...my dear knight?
What is “pourquoi”? Do, or not do? I would I
had bestowed that time in the tongues that I have in
fencing, dancing, and bearbaiting. O, had I but
followed the arts!
...head of hair.
Why, would that have mended my hair?
...curl by nature.
But it becomes me well enough, does ’t not?
...spin it off.
Faith, I’ll home tomorrow, Sir Toby. Your
niece will not be seen, or if she be, it’s four to one
she’ll none of me. The Count himself here hard by
woos her.
...in ’t, man.
I’ll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o’ th’
strangest mind i’ th’ world. I delight in masques
and revels sometimes altogether.
...these kickshawses, knight?
As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be,
under the degree of my betters, and yet I will not
compare with an old man.
...a galliard, knight?
Faith, I can cut a caper.
...mutton to ’t.
And I think I have the back-trick simply as
strong as any man in Illyria.
...of a galliard.
Ay, ’tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a
dun-colored stock. Shall we set about some
revels?
...born under Taurus?
Taurus? That’s sides and heart.
...see thee caper.
Sir Andrew dances.
...Ha, ha, excellent!
They exit.
ACT 2
Scene 3
...me t’ untie.
Enter Sir Toby and Sir Andrew.
...surgere,” thou know’st—
Nay, by my troth, I know not. But I know to
be up late is to be up late.
...the four elements?
Faith, so they say, but I think it rather consists
of eating and drinking.
...Feste, the Fool.
Here comes the Fool, i’ faith.
...have a catch.
By my troth, the Fool has an excellent breast.
I had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg,
and so sweet a breath to sing, as the Fool has.—In
sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last night
when thou spok’st of Pigrogromitus of the Vapians
passing the equinoctial of Queubus. ’Twas very
good, i’ faith. I sent thee sixpence for thy leman.
Hadst it?
...no bottle-ale houses.
Excellent! Why, this is the best fooling when
all is done. Now, a song!
...have a song.
giving money to the Fool
There’s a testril of
me, too. If one knight give a—
...a love song.
Ay, ay, I care not for good life.
...son doth know.
Excellent good, i’ faith!
...will not endure.
A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.
...A contagious breath.
Very sweet and contagious, i’ faith.
...we do that?
An you love me, let’s do ’t. I am dog at a
catch.
...will catch well.
Most certain. Let our catch be “Thou
Knave.”
...thee “knave,” knight.
’Tis not the first time I have constrained one
to call me “knave.” Begin, Fool. It begins “Hold
thy peace.”
...hold my peace.
Good, i’ faith. Come, begin.
Catch sung.
...in admirable fooling.
Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed,
and so do I, too. He does it with a better grace, but
I do it more natural.
...shake your ears!
’Twere as good a deed as to drink when a
man’s a-hungry, to challenge him the field and
then to break promise with him and make a fool of
him.
...kind of puritan.
O, if I thought that, I’d beat him like a dog!
...reason, dear knight?
I have no exquisite reason for ’t, but I have
reason good enough.
...smell a device.
I have ’t in my nose, too.
...of that color.
And your horse now would make him an ass.
...I doubt not.
O, ’twill be admirable!
...Good night, Penthesilea.
Before me, she’s a good wench.
...What o’ that?
I was adored once, too.
...for more money.
If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way
out.
...call me “Cut.”
If I do not, never trust me, take it how you
will.
...knight; come, knight.
They exit.
Scene 5
...bide no denay.
Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.
...not, Sir Andrew?
An we do not, it is pity of our lives.
...name of jesting!
They hide.
...his advanced plumes!
aside
’Slight, I could so beat the rogue!
...Malvolio. Ah, rogue!
aside
Pistol him, pistol him!
...of the wardrobe.
aside
Fie on him, Jezebel!
...a foolish knight—”
aside
That’s me, I warrant you.
...“One Sir Andrew.”
aside
I knew ’twas I, for many do call me
fool.
...question her hand.
aside
Her ’s, her ’s, and her ’s. Why that?
...for this device.
So could I too.
...such another jest.
Nor I neither.
...o’ my neck?
Or o’ mine either?
...become thy bondslave?
I’ faith, or I either?
...devil of wit!
I’ll make one, too.
They exit.
ACT 3
Scene 1
...taint their wit.
Enter Sir Toby and Andrew.
...And you, sir.
Dieu vous garde, monsieur.
...aussi. Votre serviteur!
I hope, sir, you are, and I am yours.
...odors on you!
aside
That youth’s a rare courtier. “Rain
odors,” well.
...and vouchsafed ear.
aside
“Odors,” “pregnant,” and “vouchsafed.”
I’ll get ’em all three all ready.
...to my hearing.
Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Maria exit.
Scene 2
...like his love.
Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.
No, faith, I’ll not stay a jot longer.
...reason, Sir Andrew.
Marry, I saw your niece do more favors to the
Count’s servingman than ever she bestowed upon
me. I saw ’t i’ th’ orchard.
...Tell me that.
As plain as I see you now.
...her toward you.
’Slight, will you make an ass o’ me?
...valor or policy.
An ’t be any way, it must be with valor, for
policy I hate. I had as lief be a Brownist as a
politician.
...this, Sir Andrew.
Will either of you bear me a challenge to him?
...matter. About it.
Where shall I find you?
...the cubiculo. Go.
Sir Andrew exits.
Scene 4
...see, but see!
Enter Sir Andrew.
...a May morning.
presenting a paper
Here’s the challenge.
Read it. I warrant there’s vinegar and pepper in ’t.
...’t so saucy?
Ay, is ’t. I warrant him. Do but read.
...earned him. Away!
Nay, let me alone for swearing.
He exits.
...of my mettle.
Enter Toby and Andrew.
...to the Sophy.
Pox on ’t! I’ll not meddle with him.
...hold him yonder.
Plague on ’t! An I thought he had been
valiant, and so cunning in fence, I’d have seen him
damned ere I’d have challenged him. Let him let
the matter slip, and I’ll give him my horse, gray
Capilet.
...on, to ’t.
drawing his sword
Pray God he keep his
oath!
...if you please.
Marry, will I, sir. And for that I promised
you, I’ll be as good as my word. He will bear you
easily, and reins well.
...most sage saws.
Toby, Fabian, and Andrew move aside.
...religious in it.
’Slid, I’ll after him again and beat him.
...draw thy sword.
An I do not—
...be nothing yet.
They exit.
ACT 4
Scene 1
...fourteen years’ purchase.
Enter Andrew, Toby, and Fabian.
to Sebastian
Now, sir, have I met you again?
There’s for you.
He strikes Sebastian.
SEBASTIAN, returning the blow
...on, sir, hold!
Nay, let him alone. I’ll go another way to
work with him. I’ll have an action of battery against
him, if there be any law in Illyria. Though I struck
him first, yet it’s no matter for that.
...Cesario.— Rudesby, begone!
Toby, Andrew, and Fabian exit.
ACT 5
Scene 1
...too much fear.
Enter Sir Andrew.
For the love of God, a surgeon! Send one
presently to Sir Toby.
...What’s the matter?
Has broke my head across, and has given Sir
Toby a bloody coxcomb too. For the love of God,
your help! I had rather than forty pound I were at
home.
...this, Sir Andrew?
The Count’s gentleman, one Cesario. We took
him for a coward, but he’s the very devil
incardinate.
...My gentleman Cesario?
’Od’s lifelings, here he is!—You broke my
head for nothing, and that that I did, I was set on to
do ’t by Sir Toby.
...hurt you not.
If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt
me. I think you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb.
Enter Toby and Feste, the Fool.
Here comes Sir Toby halting. You shall hear
more. But if he had not been in drink, he would
have tickled you othergates than he did.
...havoc with them?
I’ll help you, Sir Toby, because we’ll be
dressed together.
...be looked to.
Toby, Andrew, Fool, and Fabian exit.