ACT 1
Scene 5
...be his wife.
Enter Maria and Feste, the Fool.
...for thy absence.
Let her hang me. He that is well hanged in this
world needs to fear no colors.
...Make that good.
He shall see none to fear.
...fear no colors.”
Where, good Mistress Mary?
...in your foolery.
Well, God give them wisdom that have it, and
those that are Fools, let them use their talents.
...hanging to you?
Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage,
and, for turning away, let summer bear it out.
...are resolute, then?
Not so, neither, but I am resolved on two points.
...your gaskins fall.
Apt, in good faith, very apt. Well, go thy way. If Sir
Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a
piece of Eve’s flesh as any in Illyria.
...Malvolio and Attendants.
aside
Wit, an ’t be thy will, put me into good
fooling! Those wits that think they have thee do very
oft prove fools, and I that am sure I lack thee may
pass for a wise man. For what says Quinapalus?
“Better a witty Fool than a foolish wit.”—God bless
thee, lady!
...the Fool away.
Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the Lady.
...you grow dishonest.
Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel
will amend. For give the dry Fool drink, then is
the Fool not dry. Bid the dishonest man mend
himself; if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if he
cannot, let the botcher mend him. Anything that’s
mended is but patched; virtue that transgresses is
but patched with sin, and sin that amends is but
patched with virtue. If that this simple syllogism
will serve, so; if it will not, what remedy? As there is
no true cuckold but calamity, so beauty’s a flower.
The Lady bade take away the Fool. Therefore, I say
again, take her away.
...take away you.
Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, cucullus
non facit monachum. That’s as much to say as, I
wear not motley in my brain. Good madonna, give
me leave to prove you a fool.
...you do it?
Dexteriously, good madonna.
...Make your proof.
I must catechize you for it, madonna. Good my
mouse of virtue, answer me.
...bide your proof.
Good madonna, why mourn’st thou?
...my brother’s death.
I think his soul is in hell, madonna.
...in heaven, Fool.
The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your
brother’s soul, being in heaven. Take away the fool,
gentlemen.
...the better Fool.
God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the
better increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be sworn
that I am no fox, but he will not pass his word for
twopence that you are no fool.
...nothing but reprove.
Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou
speak’st well of Fools!
...people dislike it.
Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest
son should be a Fool, whose skull Jove cram with
brains, for—here he comes—one of thy kin has a
most weak pia mater.
...herring!—How now, sot?
Good Sir Toby.
...man like, Fool?
Like a drowned man, a fool, and a madman. One
draught above heat makes him a fool, the second
mads him, and a third drowns him.
...look after him.
He is but mad yet, madonna, and the Fool shall
look to the madman.
He exits.
ACT 2
Scene 3
...stoup of wine!
Enter Feste, the Fool.
...Fool, i’ faith.
How now, my hearts? Did you never see the
picture of We Three?
...leman. Hadst it?
I did impeticos thy gratillity, for Malvolio’s nose
is no whipstock, my lady has a white hand, and the
Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses.
...Now, a song!
TOBY, giving money to the Fool
...have a song.
ANDREW, giving money to the Fool
...knight give a—
Would you have a love song or a song of good
life?
...for good life.
sings
O mistress mine, where are you roaming?
O, stay and hear! Your truelove’s coming,
That can sing both high and low.
Trip no further, pretty sweeting.
Journeys end in lovers meeting,
Every wise man’s son doth know.
...faith! Good, good.
sings
What is love? ’Tis not hereafter.
Present mirth hath present laughter.
What’s to come is still unsure.
In delay there lies no plenty,
Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty.
Youth’s a stuff will not endure.
...at a catch.
By ’r Lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.
...be “Thou Knave.”
“Hold thy peace, thou knave,” knight? I shall be
constrained in ’t to call thee “knave,” knight.
...“Hold thy peace.”
I shall never begin if I hold my peace.
...faith. Come, begin.
Catch sung.
...Babylon, lady, lady.
Beshrew me, the knight’s in admirable fooling.
...good Sir Toby.
sings
His eyes do show his days are almost done.
...will never die.
sings
Sir Toby, there you lie.
...bid him go?
sings
What an if you do?
...and spare not?
sings
O no, no, no, no, you dare not.
...cakes and ale?
Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i’ th’
mouth, too.
...knight; come, knight.
They exit.
Scene 4
...to perfection grow!
Enter Curio and Feste, the Fool.
...the old age.
Are you ready, sir?
...sing.Music. The Song.
Come away, come away, death,
And in sad cypress let me be laid.
Fly away, fly away, breath,
I am slain by a fair cruel maid.
My shroud of white, stuck all with yew,
O, prepare it!
My part of death, no one so true
Did share it.
Not a flower, not a flower sweet
On my black coffin let there be strown;
Not a friend, not a friend greet
My poor corpse where my bones shall be thrown.
A thousand thousand sighs to save,
Lay me, O, where
Sad true lover never find my grave
To weep there.
ORSINO, giving money
...for thy pains.
No pains, sir. I take pleasure in singing, sir.
...thy pleasure, then.
Truly sir, and pleasure will be paid, one time or
another.
...to leave thee.
Now the melancholy god protect thee and the
tailor make thy doublet of changeable taffeta, for thy
mind is a very opal. I would have men of such
constancy put to sea, that their business might be
everything and their intent everywhere, for that’s it
that always makes a good voyage of nothing.
Farewell.
He exits.
ACT 3
Scene 1
...make one, too.
Enter Viola and Feste, the Fool, playing a tabor.
...by thy tabor?
No, sir, I live by the church.
...thou a churchman?
No such matter, sir. I do live by the church, for I
do live at my house, and my house doth stand by the
church.
...by the church.
You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is
but a chev’ril glove to a good wit. How quickly the
wrong side may be turned outward!
...make them wanton.
I would therefore my sister had had no name,
sir.
... Why, man?
Why, sir, her name’s a word, and to dally with
that word might make my sister wanton. But,
indeed, words are very rascals since bonds disgraced
them.
...Thy reason, man?
Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words,
and words are grown so false I am loath to prove
reason with them.
...car’st for nothing.
Not so, sir. I do care for something. But in my
conscience, sir, I do not care for you. If that be to
care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you
invisible.
...Lady Olivia’s Fool?
No, indeed, sir. The Lady Olivia has no folly. She
will keep no Fool, sir, till she be married, and Fools
are as like husbands as pilchers are to herrings: the
husband’s the bigger. I am indeed not her Fool but
her corrupter of words.
...the Count Orsino’s.
Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the
sun; it shines everywhere. I would be sorry, sir, but
the Fool should be as oft with your master as with
my mistress. I think I saw your Wisdom there.
...expenses for thee.
Giving a coin.
Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send
thee a beard!
...thy lady within?
Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?
...put to use.
I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to
bring a Cressida to this Troilus.
...’Tis well begged.
Giving another coin.
The matter I hope is not great, sir, begging but a
beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My lady is within, sir.
I will conster to them whence you come. Who you
are and what you would are out of my welkin—I
might say “element,” but the word is overworn.
He exits.
ACT 4
Scene 1
...be nothing yet.
Enter Sebastian and Feste, the Fool.
Will you make me believe that I am not sent for
you?
...clear of thee.
Well held out, i’ faith. No, I do not know you, nor
I am not sent to you by my lady to bid you come
speak with her, nor your name is not Master
Cesario, nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing
that is so is so.
...know’st not me.
Vent my folly? He has heard that word of some
great man and now applies it to a Fool. Vent my
folly? I am afraid this great lubber the world will
prove a cockney. I prithee now, ungird thy strangeness
and tell me what I shall vent to my lady. Shall I
vent to her that thou art coming?
...money for thee.
Giving money.
...give worse payment.
By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These wise
men that give Fools money get themselves a good
report—after fourteen years’ purchase.
...o’er the house.
aside
This will I tell my lady straight. I would
not be in some of your coats for twopence.
He exits.
Scene 2
...and so be!
Enter Maria and Feste, the Fool.
...Toby the whilst.
Well, I’ll put it on and I will dissemble myself in
’t, and I would I were the first that ever dissembled
in such a gown. He puts on gown and beard.
I am
not tall enough to become the function well, nor
lean enough to be thought a good student, but to be
said an honest man and a good housekeeper goes as
fairly as to say a careful man and a great scholar.
The competitors enter.
...thee, Master Parson.
Bonos dies, Sir Toby; for, as the old hermit of
Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said
to a niece of King Gorboduc “That that is, is,” so I,
being Master Parson, am Master Parson; for what is
“that” but “that” and “is” but “is”?
...him, Sir Topas.
disguising his voice
What ho, I say! Peace in this
prison!
...Who calls there?
Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio
the lunatic.
...to my lady—
Out, hyperbolical fiend! How vexest thou this
man! Talkest thou nothing but of ladies?
...in hideous darkness—
Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most
modest terms, for I am one of those gentle ones
that will use the devil himself with courtesy. Sayst
thou that house is dark?
...hell, Sir Topas.
Why, it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes,
and the clerestories toward the south-north
are as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest
thou of obstruction?
...house is dark.
Madman, thou errest. I say there is no darkness
but ignorance, in which thou art more puzzled than
the Egyptians in their fog.
...any constant question.
What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning
wildfowl?
...inhabit a bird.
What thinkst thou of his opinion?
...approve his opinion.
Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness.
Thou shalt hold th’ opinion of Pythagoras ere I will
allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock lest
thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee
well.
...exquisite Sir Topas!
Nay, I am for all waters.
...to my chamber.
sings, in his own voice
Hey, Robin, jolly Robin,
Tell me how thy lady does.
... Fool!
sings
My lady is unkind, perdy.
... Fool!
sings
Alas, why is she so?
...Fool, I say!
sings
She loves another—
Who calls, ha?
...thee for ’t.
Master Malvolio?
...Ay, good Fool.
Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?
...as thou art.
But as well? Then you are mad indeed, if you be
no better in your wits than a Fool.
...of my wits.
Advise you what you say. The minister is here.
In the voice of Sir Topas.
Malvolio, Malvolio, thy
wits the heavens restore. Endeavor thyself to sleep
and leave thy vain bibble-babble.
... Sir Topas!
as Sir Topas
Maintain no words with him, good
fellow. As Fool.
Who, I, sir? Not I, sir! God buy
you, good Sir Topas. As Sir Topas.
Marry, amen.
As Fool.
I will, sir, I will.
...Fool, I say!
Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am
shent for speaking to you.
...man in Illyria.
Welladay that you were, sir!
...of letter did.
I will help you to ’t. But tell me true, are you not
mad indeed, or do you but counterfeit?
...tell thee true.
Nay, I’ll ne’er believe a madman till I see his
brains. I will fetch you light and paper and ink.
...I prithee, begone.
sings
I am gone, sir, and anon, sir,
I’ll be with you again,
In a trice, like to the old Vice,
Your need to sustain.
Who with dagger of lath, in his rage and his wrath,
Cries “aha!” to the devil;
Like a mad lad, “Pare thy nails, dad!
Adieu, goodman devil.”
He exits.
ACT 5
Scene 1
...act of mine.
Enter Feste, the Fool and Fabian.
...see his letter.
Good Master Fabian, grant me another request.
... Anything.
Do not desire to see this letter.
...Lady Olivia, friends?
Ay, sir, we are some of her trappings.
...my good fellow?
Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse
for my friends.
...for thy friends.
No, sir, the worse.
...can that be?
Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me.
Now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass; so that by
my foes, sir, I profit in the knowledge of myself, and
by my friends I am abused. So that, conclusions to
be as kisses, if your four negatives make your two
affirmatives, why then the worse for my friends and
the better for my foes.
...this is excellent.
By my troth, sir, no—though it please you to be
one of my friends.
ORSINO, giving a coin
...me; there’s gold.
But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would
you could make it another.
...me ill counsel.
Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once,
and let your flesh and blood obey it.
...double-dealer: there’s another.
He gives a coin.
Primo, secundo, tertio is a good play, and the old
saying is, the third pays for all. The triplex, sir, is a
good tripping measure, or the bells of Saint Bennet,
sir, may put you in mind—one, two, three.
...my bounty further.
Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come
again. I go, sir, but I would not have you to think
that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness.
But, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap. I
will awake it anon.
He exits.
...a bloody coxcomb.
Enter Toby and Feste, the Fool.
...Dick Surgeon, sot?
O, he’s drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes
were set at eight i’ th’ morning.
...be looked to.
Toby, Andrew, Fool, and Fabian exit.
...shall enlarge him.
Enter Feste, the Fool with a letter, and Fabian.
...does he, sirrah?
Truly, madam, he holds Beelzebub at the stave’s
end as well as a man in his case may do. Has here
writ a letter to you. I should have given ’t you today
morning. But as a madman’s epistles are no gospels,
so it skills not much when they are delivered.
...and read it.
Look then to be well edified, when the Fool
delivers the madman. He reads.
By the Lord,
madam—
...art thou mad?
No, madam, I do but read madness. An your
Ladyship will have it as it ought to be, you must
allow vox.
...thy right wits.
So I do, madonna. But to read his right wits is to
read thus. Therefore, perpend, my princess, and
give ear.
OLIVIA, giving letter to Fabian
...he write this?
Ay, madam.
...they baffled thee!
Why, “some are born great, some achieve greatness,
and some have greatness thrown upon them.”
I was one, sir, in this interlude, one Sir Topas, sir,
but that’s all one. “By the Lord, Fool, I am not
mad”—but, do you remember “Madam, why laugh
you at such a barren rascal; an you smile not, he’s
gagged”? And thus the whirligig of time brings in
his revenges.
...his fancy’s queen.
sings
When that I was and a little tiny boy,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
A foolish thing was but a toy,
For the rain it raineth every day.
But when I came to man’s estate,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
’Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate,
For the rain it raineth every day.
But when I came, alas, to wive,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
By swaggering could I never thrive,
For the rain it raineth every day.
But when I came unto my beds,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
With tosspots still had drunken heads,
For the rain it raineth every day.
A great while ago the world begun,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
But that’s all one, our play is done,
And we’ll strive to please you every day.
He exits.