ACT 1
Scene 3
...Lead me on.
Enter Sir Toby and Maria.
What a plague means my niece to take the death
of her brother thus? I am sure care’s an enemy to
life.
...your ill hours.
Why, let her except before excepted!
...limits of order.
Confine? I’ll confine myself no finer than I am.
These clothes are good enough to drink in, and so
be these boots too. An they be not, let them hang
themselves in their own straps!
...be her wooer.
Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?
... Ay, he.
He’s as tall a man as any ’s in Illyria.
...to th’ purpose?
Why, he has three thousand ducats a year!
...and a prodigal.
Fie that you’ll say so! He plays o’ th’ viol-de-gamboys
and speaks three or four languages word
for word without book, and hath all the good gifts of
nature.
...of a grave.
By this hand, they are scoundrels and substractors
that say so of him. Who are they?
...in your company.
With drinking healths to my niece. I’ll drink to
her as long as there is a passage in my throat and
drink in Illyria. He’s a coward and a coistrel that
will not drink to my niece till his brains turn o’ th’
toe like a parish top. What, wench! Castiliano vulgo,
for here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.
...Sir Toby Belch?
Sweet Sir Andrew!
...you too, sir.
Accost, Sir Andrew, accost!
... What’s that?
My niece’s chambermaid.
...Mistress Mary Accost—
You mistake, knight. “Accost” is front her, board
her, woo her, assail her.
...begins to exit.
An thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou
mightst never draw sword again.
...I am barren.
O knight, thou lack’st a cup of canary! When did
I see thee so put down?
...to my wit.
No question.
...tomorrow, Sir Toby.
Pourquoi, my dear knight?
...followed the arts!
Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.
...mended my hair?
Past question, for thou seest it will not curl by
nature.
...does ’t not?
Excellent! It hangs like flax on a distaff, and I
hope to see a huswife take thee between her legs
and spin it off.
...by woos her.
She’ll none o’ th’ Count. She’ll not match above
her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit. I have
heard her swear ’t. Tut, there’s life in ’t, man.
...revels sometimes altogether.
Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight?
...an old man.
What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?
...cut a caper.
And I can cut the mutton to ’t.
...man in Illyria.
Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore have
these gifts a curtain before ’em? Are they like to
take dust, like Mistress Mall’s picture? Why dost
thou not go to church in a galliard and come home
in a coranto? My very walk should be a jig. I would
not so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace.
What dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide virtues
in? I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy
leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.
...about some revels?
What shall we do else? Were we not born under
Taurus?
...sides and heart.
No, sir, it is legs and thighs. Let me see thee
caper.
Sir Andrew dances.
Ha, higher! Ha, ha,
excellent!
They exit.
Scene 5
...weak pia mater.
Enter Sir Toby.
...the gate, cousin?
A gentleman.
...gentleman? What gentleman?
’Tis a gentleman here—a plague o’ these pickle
herring!—How now, sot?
...by this lethargy?
Lechery? I defy lechery. There’s one at the gate.
...what is he?
Let him be the devil an he will, I care not. Give
me faith, say I. Well, it’s all one.
He exits.
ACT 2
Scene 3
...me t’ untie.
Enter Sir Toby and Sir Andrew.
Approach, Sir Andrew. Not to be abed after
midnight is to be up betimes, and “diluculo surgere,”
thou know’st—
...be up late.
A false conclusion. I hate it as an unfilled can. To
be up after midnight and to go to bed then, is early,
so that to go to bed after midnight is to go to bed
betimes. Does not our lives consist of the four
elements?
...eating and drinking.
Thou ’rt a scholar. Let us therefore eat and
drink. Marian, I say, a stoup of wine!
...of We Three?
Welcome, ass! Now let’s have a catch.
...Now, a song!
giving money to the Fool
Come on, there is
sixpence for you. Let’s have a song.
...of good life?
A love song, a love song.
...good, i’ faith!
Good, good.
...am true knight.
A contagious breath.
...contagious, i’ faith.
To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion.
But shall we make the welkin dance indeed? Shall
we rouse the night owl in a catch that will draw
three souls out of one weaver? Shall we do that?
...faith. Come, begin.
Catch sung.
...never trust me.
My lady’s a Cataian, we are politicians, Malvolio’s
a Peg-a-Ramsey, and Sings.
Three merry men be
we. Am not I consanguineous? Am I not of her
blood? Tillyvally! “Lady”! Sings.
There dwelt a man
in Babylon, lady, lady.
...it more natural.
sings
O’ the twelfth day of December—
...time in you?
We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up!
...bid you farewell.
sings
Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone.
...’t even so?
sings
But I will never die.
...credit to you.
sings
Shall I bid him go?
...if you do?
sings
Shall I bid him go, and spare not?
...you dare not.
Out o’ tune, sir? You lie. Art any more than a
steward? Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous,
there shall be no more cakes and ale?
...th’ mouth, too.
Thou ’rt i’ th’ right.—Go, sir, rub your chain
with crumbs.—A stoup of wine, Maria!
...fool of him.
Do ’t, knight. I’ll write thee a challenge. Or I’ll
deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth.
...can do it.
Possess us, possess us, tell us something of him.
...like a dog!
What, for being a puritan? Thy exquisite reason,
dear knight?
...cause to work.
What wilt thou do?
...of our hands.
Excellent! I smell a device.
...my nose, too.
He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop,
that they come from my niece, and that she’s in
love with him.
...the event. Farewell.
Good night, Penthesilea.
...a good wench.
She’s a beagle true bred, and one that adores
me. What o’ that?
...adored once, too.
Let’s to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for
more money.
...foul way out.
Send for money, knight. If thou hast her not i’
th’ end, call me “Cut.”
...how you will.
Come, come, I’ll go burn some sack. ’Tis too
late to go to bed now. Come, knight; come, knight.
They exit.
Scene 5
...bide no denay.
Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.
Come thy ways, Signior Fabian.
...death with melancholy.
Wouldst thou not be glad to have the niggardly
rascally sheep-biter come by some notable shame?
...a bearbaiting here.
To anger him, we’ll have the bear again, and we
will fool him black and blue, shall we not, Sir
Andrew?
...lives. Enter Maria.
Here comes the little villain.—How now, my
metal of India?
...name of jesting!
They hide.
...think on ’t?
aside
Here’s an overweening rogue.
...beat the rogue!
aside
Peace, I say.
...be Count Malvolio.
aside
Ah, rogue!
...him, pistol him!
aside
Peace, peace!
...in my state—
aside
O, for a stone-bow, to hit him in the eye!
...left Olivia sleeping—
aside
Fire and brimstone!
...my kinsman Toby—
aside
Bolts and shackles!
...there to me—
aside
Shall this fellow live?
...regard of control—
aside
And does not Toby take you a blow o’ the
lips then?
...prerogative of speech—”
aside
What, what?
...amend your drunkenness.”
aside
Out, scab!
...near the gin.
aside
O, peace, and the spirit of humors intimate
reading aloud to him.
...be thee, Malvolio!
aside
Marry, hang thee, brock!
...A fustian riddle!
aside
Excellent wench, say I.
...she dressed him!
aside
And with what wing the staniel checks
at it!
...me! Softly! “M.O.A.I.”—
aside
O, ay, make up that.—He is now at a cold
scent.
...end, I hope.
aside
Ay, or I’ll cudgel him and make him cry
“O.”
...from the Sophy.
I could marry this wench for this device.
...could I too.
And ask no other dowry with her but such
another jest.
...my noble gull-catcher.
Wilt thou set thy foot o’ my neck?
...o’ mine either?
Shall I play my freedom at tray-trip and become
thy bondslave?
...or I either?
Why, thou hast put him in such a dream that
when the image of it leaves him he must run mad.
...work upon him?
Like aqua vitae with a midwife.
...it, follow me.
To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent devil
of wit!
...make one, too.
They exit.
ACT 3
Scene 1
...taint their wit.
Enter Sir Toby and Andrew.
Save you, gentleman.
...I am yours.
Will you encounter the house? My niece is
desirous you should enter, if your trade be to her.
...of my voyage.
Taste your legs, sir; put them to motion.
...taste my legs.
I mean, to go, sir, to enter.
...to my hearing.
Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Maria exit.
Scene 2
...like his love.
Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.
...a jot longer.
Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.
...i’ th’ orchard.
Did she see thee the while, old boy? Tell me
that.
...judgment and reason.
And they have been grand-jurymen since before
Noah was a sailor.
...as a politician.
Why, then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis
of valor. Challenge me the Count’s youth to fight
with him. Hurt him in eleven places. My niece shall
take note of it, and assure thyself there is no
love-broker in the world can more prevail in man’s
commendation with woman than report of valor.
...challenge to him?
Go, write it in a martial hand. Be curst and
brief. It is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent
and full of invention. Taunt him with the license of
ink. If thou -est‘” him some thrice, it shall not
be amiss, and as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of
paper, although the sheet were big enough for the
bed of Ware in England, set ’em down. Go, about it.
Let there be gall enough in thy ink, though thou
write with a goose-pen, no matter. About it.
...I find you?
We’ll call thee at the cubiculo. Go.
...you, Sir Toby.
I have been dear to him, lad, some two thousand
strong or so.
...not deliver ’t?
Never trust me, then. And by all means stir on
the youth to an answer. I think oxen and wainropes
cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were
opened and you find so much blood in his liver as
will clog the foot of a flea, I’ll eat the rest of th’
anatomy.
... Enter Maria.
Look where the youngest wren of mine comes.
...in yellow stockings.
And cross-gartered?
...a great favor.
Come, bring us, bring us where he is.
They all exit.
Scene 4
...to be thanked.
Enter Toby, Fabian, and Maria.
Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all
the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion
himself possessed him, yet I’ll speak to him.
...does she so?
to Fabian and Maria
Go to, go to! Peace, peace.
We must deal gently with him. Let me alone.—How
do you, Malvolio? How is ’t with you? What, man,
defy the devil! Consider, he’s an enemy to mankind.
...mistress? O Lord!
Prithee, hold thy peace. This is not the way. Do
you not see you move him? Let me alone with
him.
...be roughly used.
to Malvolio
Why, how now, my bawcock? How
dost thou, chuck?
... Sir!
Ay, biddy, come with me.—What, man, ’tis not
for gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan. Hang
him, foul collier!
...know more hereafter.
Is ’t possible?
...an improbable fiction.
His very genius hath taken the infection of the
device, man.
...be the quieter.
Come, we’ll have him in a dark room and
bound. My niece is already in the belief that he’s
mad. We may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his
penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath,
prompt us to have mercy on him, at which time we
will bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a
finder of madmen. But see, but see!
...Do but read.
Give me. He reads.
Youth, whatsoever thou art,
thou art but a scurvy fellow.
...Good, and valiant.
reads
Wonder not nor admire not in thy mind
why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason
for ’t.
...of the law.
reads
Thou com’st to the Lady Olivia, and in my
sight she uses thee kindly. But thou liest in thy throat;
that is not the matter I challenge thee for.
...exceeding good sense—less.
reads
I will waylay thee going home, where if it be
thy chance to kill me—
... Good.
reads
Thou kill’st me like a rogue and a villain.
...the law. Good.
reads
Fare thee well, and God have mercy upon
one of our souls. He may have mercy upon mine, but
my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as
thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,
Andrew Aguecheek.
If this letter move him not, his legs cannot. I’ll
give ’t him.
...and by depart.
Go, Sir Andrew. Scout me for him at the corner
of the orchard like a bum-baily. So soon as ever
thou seest him, draw, and as thou draw’st, swear
horrible, for it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath,
with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives
manhood more approbation than ever proof itself
would have earned him. Away!
...alone for swearing.
Now will not I deliver his letter, for the behavior
of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good
capacity and breeding; his employment between
his lord and my niece confirms no less. Therefore,
this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed
no terror in the youth. He will find it comes from a
clodpoll. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by
word of mouth, set upon Aguecheek a notable
report of valor, and drive the gentleman (as I know
his youth will aptly receive it) into a most hideous
opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and impetuosity. This
will so fright them both that they will kill one
another by the look, like cockatrices.
...presently after him.
I will meditate the while upon some horrid
message for a challenge.
Toby, Fabian, and Maria exit.
...soul to hell.
Enter Toby and Fabian.
Gentleman, God save thee.
...And you, sir.
That defense thou hast, betake thee to ’t. Of what
nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know
not, but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as
the hunter, attends thee at the orchard end. Dismount
thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for thy
assailant is quick, skillful, and deadly.
...to any man.
You’ll find it otherwise, I assure you. Therefore,
if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your
guard, for your opposite hath in him what youth,
strength, skill, and wrath can furnish man withal.
...what is he?
He is knight dubbed with unhatched rapier and
on carpet consideration, but he is a devil in private
brawl. Souls and bodies hath he divorced three, and
his incensement at this moment is so implacable
that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death
and sepulcher. “Hob, nob” is his word; “give ’t or
take ’t.”
...of that quirk.
Sir, no. His indignation derives itself out of a very
competent injury. Therefore get you on and give
him his desire. Back you shall not to the house,
unless you undertake that with me which with as
much safety you might answer him. Therefore on,
or strip your sword stark naked, for meddle you
must, that’s certain, or forswear to wear iron about
you.
...of my purpose.
I will do so.—Signior Fabian, stay you by this
gentleman till my return.
Toby exits.
...of my mettle.
Enter Toby and Andrew.
Why, man, he’s a very devil. I have not seen such
a firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard,
and all, and he gives me the stuck-in with such
a mortal motion that it is inevitable; and on the
answer, he pays you as surely as your feet hits the
ground they step on. They say he has been fencer
to the Sophy.
...meddle with him.
Ay, but he will not now be pacified. Fabian can
scarce hold him yonder.
...horse, gray Capilet.
I’ll make the motion. Stand here, make a good
show on ’t. This shall end without the perdition of
souls. Aside.
Marry, I’ll ride your horse as well as I
ride you.
Enter Fabian and Viola.
Toby crosses to meet them.
Aside to Fabian.
I have his horse to take up the
quarrel. I have persuaded him the youth’s a devil.
...at his heels.
to Viola
There’s no remedy, sir; he will fight
with you for ’s oath sake. Marry, he hath better
bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now
scarce to be worth talking of. Therefore, draw for
the supportance of his vow. He protests he will not
hurt you.
...see him furious.
Toby crosses to Andrew.
Come, Sir Andrew, there’s no remedy. The
gentleman will, for his honor’s sake, have one bout
with you. He cannot by the duello avoid it. But he
has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier,
he will not hurt you. Come on, to ’t.
...him defy you.
You, sir? Why, what are you?
...you he will.
drawing his sword
Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.
...come the officers.
to Antonio
I’ll be with you anon.
...ta’en for you!
Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian. We’ll
whisper o’er a couplet or two of most sage saws.
Toby, Fabian, and Andrew move aside.
...fresh in love!
A very dishonest, paltry boy, and more a coward
than a hare. His dishonesty appears in leaving his
friend here in necessity and denying him; and for
his cowardship, ask Fabian.
...and beat him.
Do, cuff him soundly, but never draw thy
sword.
...see the event.
I dare lay any money ’twill be nothing yet.
They exit.
ACT 4
Scene 1
...fourteen years’ purchase.
Enter Andrew, Toby, and Fabian.
...the people mad?
Hold, sir, or I’ll throw your dagger o’er the
house.
...coats for twopence.
seizing Sebastian
Come on, sir, hold!
...go thy hand!
Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young
soldier, put up your iron. You are well fleshed.
Come on.
...draw thy sword.
What, what? Nay, then, I must have an ounce or
two of this malapert blood from you.
He draws his sword.
...charge thee, hold!
Madam.
...Cesario.— Rudesby, begone!
Toby, Andrew, and Fabian exit.
Scene 2
...The competitors enter.
Enter Toby and Maria.
Jove bless thee, Master Parson.
...“is” but “is”?
To him, Sir Topas.
...in this prison!
The knave counterfeits well. A good knave.
...but of ladies?
aside
Well said, Master Parson.
...Topas, Sir Topas!
My most exquisite Sir Topas!
...sees thee not.
To him in thine own voice, and bring me word
how thou find’st him. I would we were well rid
of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered,
I would he were, for I am now so far in
offense with my niece that I cannot pursue with
any safety this sport the upshot. Come by and by
to my chamber.
Toby and Maria exit.
ACT 5
Scene 1
...a bloody coxcomb.
Enter Toby and Feste, the Fool.
...’t with you?
That’s all one. Has hurt me, and there’s th’ end
on ’t. To Fool.
Sot, didst see Dick Surgeon, sot?
...i’ th’ morning.
Then he’s a rogue and a passy-measures pavin. I
hate a drunken rogue.
...be dressed together.
Will you help?—an ass-head, and a coxcomb,
and a knave, a thin-faced knave, a gull?
...be looked to.
Toby, Andrew, Fool, and Fabian exit.